Sunday, May 29, 2011
The Master of the Universe
He was promised a shower immediately when they sent him upstairs, but the nurses insisted on doing something with the meds and things, and next thing you know it's eight o'clock and they're telling him he can't take a shower till morning. What, is there like some doctor's orders saying no showers?
The doctor promised when the Master of the Universe talked to him downstairs - but the doctor is gone now - just like him to take off without assuring that all arrangements for the Master of the Universe were firmly in place. Typical. "Well, yeah, it's UCLA but it's the one in Santa Monica. No, in Santa Monica. On Wilshire."
He can't see how they put the gown on him, and the way these tubes run through it here, no wonder the Master of the Universe knocked over the water pitcher. If the nurses had been quicker at getting the floor cleaned when he asked, he woulda been able to keep his socks dry, but now he needs a new pair - "I mean now, not later!" - of course if he could just take his shower everything would work out.
What is that? That stuff is not shampoo, that's not soap. No, he needs to take a shower with real soap and shampoo - that's what they promised him.
With all this confusion, he couldn't order a meal - they'd promised him in the ER that he could order food when he got upstairs, but it was past seven and now the kitchen was closed - how unreasonable was that, on a Saturday night? You'd think on a Saturday night they'd keep it open longer.
And he'd told 'em. He'd told 'em downstairs, but, no,they said he could order when he got upstairs. All he's askin' for is some fuckin' answers.
"These wires? See 'em? I need to pee, see? These wires make it so's I can't reach."
All he knows is he was in his car on PCH and planning on a nice hike in the mountains and the next thing he knows he's in the ER and they're doing a buncha tests and they're telling him he's on the verge of kidney failure. He was all set for the weekend - six pounds of burger, four chickens, a case of beer some potato salad. He had the kids coming by. There was even strawberry shortcake - he was ready, and then there's this.What the fuck? "I don't know, I'm still waiting to take a shower! And I gotta have something in my stomach - is that too much to ask?"
Well, yeah, yeah, pretty good anyway - he only had one cigarette today, two yesterday. Oh, THOSE guys. When he hangs out with those guys he doesn't go as far as they do. Sure maybe he'll take a hit once and then relax, take another one an hour later. "But those guys, Shit! they're like smoking the whole bowl."
No, they haven't told him anything. All he knows is he's in his car and then he's passed out and dying in the streets. Yeah.
"Don't tell me you don't have the time to fuckin' get here."
"That's my other phone. Uh huh, yeah. Okay. So call me back in five, willya?"